Stop networking, start building true relationships

Networking today?

Nowadays, networking is overrated, cheap and not effective. What is networking anyways? Networking in the business world today often is understood as getting a lot of contacts, fill up your social media (yes - LinkedIn included), liking each others posts on social media, fill up your phone with numbers, collecting business cards, going to a lot of meet-ups, shaking a lot of hands, introducing yourself, talking a lot of bullshit and so on. Well, doesn't it sound a bit harsh? I say that because, I've been through all that. Either I did that by myself - first unconsciously then intentionally - or I observed that later at other people all the time. If you  now think "NOOOOOO, I am not that superficial!" or "NOOOOO, of course the people are important to me and I try to connect with them accordingly.", then I can tell you that you are already on a good way, but still missing an important part. One after another.

The purpose of networking

I myself keep asking why do we network in business? I mean, really, WHY do we do that? Everyone is talking about strong contacts. In Germany they even use the term "Vitamin B" - B for Beziehung, engl. relationship. But if we do it the way described above, then it is almost worthless and a waste of time. The core idea is the hope to gain some advantage or benefits from the other person in the future. Maybe that person knows some other people, who can help you. Either it is for sales issues, job promotions, new business cases, inspirations or just favours. Sounds like a bad thing driven by egoism and selfishness? Let's say No, because we assume the other person will think the same and both know that. So we can call it a win-win. 
The very truth is, in most cases nobody will gain anything from anyone as the relationship to each other is too superficial. We actually don't get to know each other properly, we can't really identify the other's problem or how she/he can be of use. Additionally, as we just focus on our own problems, which the other might solve, no one starts to really get to know anyone. Both parties remain as before, but have good feelings of meeting each other and adding each other's contact details. That's bullshit! The other case, which I often see or encountered by myself, would be sales situation. In particular, I mean a sales-person meeting other people to convince them to buy something or to join his business (e.g.  in network marketing businesses, which I will talk about in another blog session). There is nothing wrong about it. The problem I see here, is the one-way direction of interest. In this case, one party always stays unsatisfied somehow, which can even lead to unhappiness, if he agrees to something he don't really want, but was fascinated or even manipulated at the moment of the deal. Please, keep in mind, that there are good sales people, too.

All in all, stop wasting other peoples' time and your time with networking superficially.

True relationships in business

Then what should we do? The answer is to start building true business relationships. Okay, what are true business relationships then? Everyone has to define it for himself. After a time of intensive networking, meetings, sales performances and a painful break-up, I came up with a certain definition. For me true relationships include regular real-life meetings or interactions and a common goal. Personally, I apply that on any relationship.  For some, this definition may seem too easy and obvious. Try to project that definition to all people you know. To how many does that definition even fit. How many of the people, you call friends, do you even see regularly? With how many do you have a common goal? Do you even know all your LinkedIn contacts? If not, why do you have them? I am not saying that not having a common goal makes the relationship worthless, but it will definitely give you a lot more value and a strong bond. Don't get me wrong, I still hang out and just chill with people - still, the goal could be maximum relaxation.

After I recognised, that I have to change the way I get to know people, I could really see the difference in a short time after following these 10 rules.

1. Try to have more meetings or interactions with the people you already know to intensify the relationship, instead of spending time to get more contacts. Quality over quantity!
2. Go out networking after you have set your goals. Know exactly the purpose of your new contacts, otherwise it will stay superficial. Don't try to sell them anything, not a product, not an idea, not yourself, it is not about you!
3. Get to know at max. 3 new people at an event. Spend more time with less, if you have a good feeling. The more, the less you remember the details about them. It's about details!
4. After getting to know a new person, I try to grab coffee with that person a.s.a.p., just to get to know each other better.
5. In any meeting, try to be the one, who asks the questions. You will lead the conversation, you show interest and rather find out the other's needs and pain points. But keep it easy - it is not an interrogation.
6. Quality of questions: formulate WHY questions and get behind the character and problems. Important: put your ego aside, try to really understand the other side. Don't challenge them or push them to the wall.
7. Listen carefully and try to offer solutions. Don't judge or discuss. You never have the full view of a situation. If you are about to disagree, stick with point 6.
8. Make recommendations of other suitable contacts. This is a very important point, which is not often done. Use your network as your greatest asset to help. Connect your people and make your network even stronger. Be the network gatekeeper
9. Structure your (business) contacts and keep in touch. Either call them or meet them monthly or even weekly.
10. Get to know great Cafes in your town. Not that Starbucks or Coffee Fellows shit. Good Cafes with real baristas behind portafilter coffee machines and gentle roasted coffee. A good coffee always pays off!

Following these 10 rules made it possible for me to get to know even more people, although I reduced the time of actual networking. The people I spent more time with and worked more intensively with, they introduced me to other people after trusting me and believing in me. They know I can solve problems and give true benefits. I felt more happy and satisfied, because I could really make a change and get the feeling that I have a purpose.

Tyson Pham

Entrepreneurial Connections
HUSTLE WITH PURPOSE